The Hidden Cost of Success: What Ambitious Women Don’t Always Talk About

Success often looks shiny on the outside - the title, the salary, the recognition.

It’s what a lot of us strive for when we first enter the workforce and look toward the future. But what’s sometimes hiding under the surface is the quiet stress, the emotional toll, the overthinking and the self doubt that can come with constantly striving, performing, and proving.

For ambitious women, success isn’t free. With every milestone, promotion and salary increase the bar raises. And while many people would say “yeah, that’s the point,” it doesn't take away from the potential emotional toll that needs to be addressed.

I’ve worked with hundreds of women in the past 20+ years, in various industries and career levels. And even though I hear these stories in my office, they’re often not talked about.

I hear about what it really takes to keep everything running. I see how women can appear capable, successful & happy, while navigating feelings of anxiety, disconnect, loneliness and exhaustion. 

The Constant Pressure to Perform

Success can be amazing! The accolades, the pride, the work you know it took to hit that milestone.

But sometimes, you get to a point and you think… “how am i going to keep this up?”

As you break through each ceiling, there’s like an unspoken expectation to aim higher. To move the goalpost. And it comes from others and yourself.

You want to keep going but the pressure that never lets up can be difficult to deal with.

Success has a way of making us raise our standards and perform at levels we never thought we could.

But you don’t want to look at it in such a way that you feel like you’re chasing a ghost.

The promotion? Cool. What’s next?
The big project? Wonderful. Now we have to outdo it.

The pressure never really stops; it just changes form.

And while that drive might have fueled your rise, it has the potential to quietly become the thing that keeps you from resting, giving yourself credit, or feeling like you’re enough.

Your accomplishments become your identity and unless you’re working toward something, you don’t know who you are.

It doesn’t have to be that way but it’ll take some effort to reframe your thoughts around success and establish a system that supports YOU as a human, not you as your achievements.

Loneliness at the Top

The higher you climb on the corporate ladder or in entrepreneurship, the smaller your circle becomes. It sounds cliche but it can be an easy trap to fall in to.

You want people around you who understand you. And if you’re not taking action and making an effort to find them, leadership and high-level careers can feel like a lonely place to work.

And the fact is, because you’re busy and strapped for time, there’s a unique kind of isolation. It’s important to find people who understand why you can’t make plans or how a current goal is taking priority over other things.

A lot of people talk about making sure you establish a good work-life balance. But I’ve learned, in the 20+ years I’ve been working with women, that balance is bullsh*t. It’s not a destination, but more so something we practice.

Being able to connect with people who understand you, set boundaries and receive the appropriate support can make you feel way less alone.

Porous Boundaries

Speaking of boundaries and work-life balance…

Achievements can blur the lines between work and life. It’s harder to say “no” when everyone assumes you can handle it all, which leaves little space for rest, family, or yourself.

Opportunities seem “too good to pass up” and taking one “one more thing” doesnt seem like a problem. Until the “things” are compounded with everything else and you realized you stretched yourself too thin.

And end up resenting those around you because you’re just trying to “get it all done.” 

On their own, what once felt exciting starts to feel invasive. Each little thing you say “yes” to sucks more life out of you and burnout starts to set in.

Overwhelm & Burnout don’t come from having too much to do. They come from not knowing what to do next and not having boundaries around your time and precious energy. 

Success That Feels Empty

When you’ve earned the title, the money, the team, sometimes it can feel confusing when it doesn’t feel fulfilling.

That disconnect can leave you wondering:

“Is this really it?”

“This is what I’ve been working so hard for?”

The disconnect between what you thought “making it” would feel like and how it actually does can trigger some deep, self reflection.

A lot of times, when a woman comes to me, their life looks great on the outside. But they feel a bit empty.

And maybe even guilty that they’re not enjoying it the way they “should” be. 

Being able to create an identity outside of professional achievements and have self worth that isn’t dependent on external validation of success is important. (Many high-achieving women I work with are Enneagram 3s: so if this sounds like you, you’re not alone!)

Decision Fatigue and Self-Doubt

Leading & performing at a high level means constant decision-making. Everything from what to wear and how to present yourself to executive decisions that have the potential to impact an entire team. It can be rewarding and exhausting all at once.

Over time, even the most confident female leaders have moments when they second-guess themselves…which silently drains their energy and clarity.

The fact that you are potentially making hundreds of decisions a day -some strategic, some emotional, some personal- is enough to make anyone’s head spin.

Decision fatigue can set in and inadvertently cause self doubt.

If you find yourself overthinking small choices or second-guessing big ones, again, you're enot alone.

You’re not weak…but you may be overloaded.

Learning how to delegate, make decisions confidently, and navigate overthinking in a way that it minimizes its ability to hold you back are all important pieces to this puzzle.

You’re Not Alone

The emotional toll that success has the potential to have doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful or incapable… It means you’re human.

It also means you're not alone.

These are all common struggles I see in my office when I’m working with a high-achieving woman.

Women in your position often need a different kind of support - coaching that helps you realign, redefine success on your own terms, and lead without losing yourself in the process.

You don’t need to slow down to feel grounded. You can keep your role if you want to. You can have high standards and set goals.

But you need space to think clearly, set new boundaries, and reconnect with the values behind your drive that have, over time, taken a backseat. 

Because I truly believe, if it’s something you want, success should fuel you not drain you.

A Final Thought from Lori

We don’t talk enough about the emotional cost of success, especially for women who seem to have it all together. The pressure, the loneliness, the blurred boundaries… it all adds up. This isn’t about complaining; it’s about being honest with yourself about where you’re at in your journey. It’s important for you to be able to stay grounded while leading, achieving, and constantly striving for more.

If any of this resonates, know you’re not alone.

It may feel like you are, but you’re not.
There’s a path forward that can honor both your ambition and your well-being.

That’s the work I do with women who are ready & wanting to lead with clarity and feel more like themselves again.

~Lori