Is Leadership Right for You? 8 Signs It Might Not Be (And Why That’s Perfectly Okay)

Let's talk about something most leadership coaches won't tell you: leadership isn't for everyone… and that doesn't make you a failure.

I know. In the world that’s constantly been pushing you to "level up," "lean in," and climb that ladder, this feels almost blasphemous to say. But here's the truth I've learned from years of working with women through their careers: knowing what you don't want is just as powerful as knowing what you do.

If you've been lying awake at 3AM wondering if you are "leadership material," or if you've recently stepped into a management role and feel like you're drowning... this one's for you.

(And no, nothing is wrong with you if this resonates!)

The Weight of the "Role Model" Mask

One of my clients recently confessed something that broke my heart: "I hate having to be the role model where I have to pretend to be perfect."

Let that sink in for a moment.

She wasn't saying she hated leading. She was saying she hated the performance of leadership - the exhausting facade of keeping it all together when inside, she felt like she was falling apart.

And here's what I told her: What you might hate isn't the actual leadership. It's the image of it.

If you're burning out trying to be the "perfect leader" who never gets tired, never doubts themselves, and always has the answer, you're not experiencing leadership. You're experiencing a dress-up-party where you can never take off the costume.

That’s not sustainable. And, more importantly, it's not real and definitely doesn’t feel aligned with who you truly are.

8 Signs Leadership Might Not Be Your Path (Right Now or Ever)

Let me be clear: these aren't character flaws. They're data points. Please listen to them…

1. You genuinely dislike developing others

Not the "I'm nervous about it" or "I'm still learning how." I mean you actively dread the thought of mentoring, nurturing, or watching someone else grow. You have a difficult time enjoying the process of walking alongside someone, even when they're eager to learn.

Someone shared with me: "I don’t like mentoring other people. I feel a lot of pressure.”

If coaching others feels like nails on a chalkboard rather than a challenge you're willing to embrace, that's important information to notice.

2. The handholding feels soul-crushing

A woman once put this as: "Managing adults who will never move past an entry level position was beyond draining. I want so much for my life and I had a difficult time staying patient with others."

She described team members who wouldn't think through solutions before coming to her, who refused to use resources, and those who did the absolute bare minimum. And when a leader is a younger woman managing people a decade or two ahead of them? The dynamic has the potential to become even more complicated, especially when accountability is met with resentment or jealousy.

Here's the thing: some level of this exists in every leadership role. But if the daily reality of guiding less-motivated team members makes you want to throw your laptop out the window, you need to recognize & honor that feeling.

3. You can't delegate without spiraling

"I had a hard time trusting that they would deliver without me supervising. I hate having to follow-up constantly.”

If delegating feels harder than just doing it yourself -and you're constantly checking, re-checking, and maybe even redoing their work- you're stuck in an irritating cycle.

Yes, delegation is a learnable skill. But if you still feel like you're carrying everyone else's work plus your own after you’ve made a genuine effort? It’s a sign…

4. Being "the go-to person" drains you instead of energizing you

"I haaaaate being the go to person whenever something is not right."

Some people thrive on being the problem-solver. Some people love being the person who has all the answers or the one everyone turns to in a crisis.

But if you're not one of those people, leadership can sometimes feel like death by a thousand papercuts interruptions.

5. Your values don’t match with the company culture

This one's particularly difficult: When a higher-up has different values compared to the company, it may feel like you have to quit or you’ll be fired.

A woman I worked with said “I know so many people who work in management at companies that treat their employees like garbage. I want to do everything I can to not get sucked into that system.”

When you're stuck implementing policies you adamantly disagree with, or defending decisions that make your stomach turn, you're not leading - you're sacrificing your values. It’s the stuff that keeps you up at night. And, for you, no promotion may be worth that price.

6. The meetings and reviews suck the life out of you

"One thing about leadership that I don't enjoy is being in more meetings and having to go through multiple rounds of review, especially when I have my own projects to worry about."

Leadership comes with administrative tasks. Sometimes more than we realize. It comes with a lot of meetings, coordinating and reviews. And it all has the potential to leave you with less time for the work that you enjoy.

If you've realized that you got promoted away from the work you love, it’s important you pay attention to this. Sometimes we get promoted and removed from the reason we joined the organization or industry in the first place.

7. Delivering feedback feels like pulling teeth

"Giving feedback is challenging for me and I will stay awake the night before thinking about it."

Assertiveness is, again, a skill we can develop. But here's the question: After making an effort and practicing assertiveness & communication skills, does it feel like growth or does it feel like you’re forcing yourself to do something that goes against who you are?”

There's a difference between "growing outside your comfort zone" and fundamentally working against your nature.

8. You're pretending to be someone you're not

Similar to the point above, this may be the biggest red flag of all: if you feel like you're performing a role rather than stepping into your authentic self, take a breath and recognize it.

Leadership shouldn't require you to become a different person from who you truly want to be. It should stretch you into a new version of yourself and also help you become more of who you already knew you were.

But What If I'm Just Scared?

Here's where it gets nuanced… and where my therapy background kicks in.

Every leader experiences self-doubt. Imposter syndrome. Fear of failure. Fear of judgment. It’s a “normal” part of growth and the experience of leadership.

The question is: Underneath the fear, is there curiosity? Is there excitement? Do you have a genuine desire to grow & step into this role?

Or, underneath the fear, is there a quiet (but persistent!( voice saying, "I don't actually want this"?

One requires courage. The other requires honesty.

Both are okay.

The Permission You Might Need

What if I told you that choosing an Individual Contributor path -where you lead through expertise, connection, or influence rather than managing people- is also leadership?

What if I told you that stepping back from a leadership role doesn't make you a quitter,it makes you self-aware?

What if I told you that at 28, or 38, or 48, you're allowed to change your mind about what success looks like?

Because, trust me, there are themes I often see in female leaders at various ages.

As a woman once realized as we worked together: "I have to preserve my physical and mental health at all costs. Life has good things in store wherever I go, but I can’t forget who I am and how I define success at this point in my life."

Well… Now What?

If you're reading this and feeling relieved rather than motivated, that's your answer.

It might feel like a gut-check moment.

If you're reading this and thinking, "Yes, but I still want to try, I really think I’m meant for this” - then maybe what you need isn't to quit, but to stop performing leadership and start practicing it.

Lead as a person, not a position. Lower the mask of perfection. Start to establish your own leadership style instead of trying to imitate someone else's or impress others.

But if you're reading this and feeling like you've been given permission to finally admit the truth? Then take it. Here’s your permission to know that it’s okay.

Not everyone needs to be a manager. Not everyone needs to climb the ladder. Not everyone needs to want what the workforce says they should want.

Your one beautiful life is too short to spend it doing work that drains your mind & body.