When Success Looks Good But Feels Terrible
Is your jaw clenched right now? Your tongue clamped to the roof of your mouth?
Let me guess: From the outside, you're absolutely crushing it.
Job Title? Check. Tasks? Accomplished. The reliable one? That's you.
Your calendar is color-coded. Your inbox is (mostly) managed. You show up, you perform, you crush it.
And yet…
You woke up at 3am last Tuesday replaying a conversation from a meeting.
Your shoulders live somewhere up near your ears.
You can't remember the last time you actually, fully relaxed.
Welcome to high-functioning anxiety. The kind that wears skinny jeans and a smile.
Here's What High-Functioning Anxiety Looks Like
That constant feeling of anxiety in the background? It's not the "price of success." And it's definitely not just "who you are."
Here's what I see every single day with the women I work with:
You're successful on the outside but soooo overwhelmed.
Everyone sees the achievements. No one sees the 3am-wake-ups because you can’t turn your brain off. The Sunday scaries that start Saturday afternoon. The way you re-edit emails 14 times because you don’t want someone to think you’re mean but you have to get a point across.
"No" isn't in your vocabulary.
Someone needs something? They ask you. (And you’ll do it even if your plate is overflowing.) Because saying no feels like you’re letting people down, and disappointing people feels like the worst thing in the world.
You feel like a fraud.
That promotion? Luck. That successful presentation? You just stayed up all night working on it. That compliment? They don't really mean it. You think: You make one mistake and everyone will realize you don’t belong in your role.
Why High Functioning Anxiety Is So Hard to See
High-functioning anxiety is sneaky. Because you're performing well, people don’t realize you’re struggling.
"She’s a hard worker."
"She really pays attention to all the small details.”
But you're not thriving. You're white-knuckling your way through the day.
Your nervous system is stuck in overdrive, interpreting every comment, every decision & every look as a threat.
The "if I mess this up, I'll lose everything" kind.
So your body stays on high alert. All. The. Time.
Your heart rate is elevated easily. Cortisol courses through your system. Your jaw stays clenched. Your digestion is a mess. You can't sleep deeply because your brain is scanning for problems even when you're unconscious.
It’s exhausting. And you’re living it.
The Question You're Afraid to Ask
"Is this just how it’s supposed to be?"
No. A million times, NO.
The way you're feeling right now - the overwhelm, the burnout, the chronic panic - it's not permanent. It's not just "who you are." And it's not the price you have to keep paying for success.
You can be ambitious without being anxious.
You can be driven without being burnt out.
You can be powerful without being in perpetual panic mode.
But first, you have to stop telling yourself you're fine when you're not.
Here's Your Permission Slip
If you're reading this thinking, "This is me." I want you to know something:
There’s nothing wrong with you.
You're a high-achieving woman navigating a world that wasn't designed with your nervous system in mind.
You've been running on adrenaline and achievement (and probably an Alani or other energy drink!) and your body is begging for something different.
You don't have to have all the answers right now. You don't have to fix everything today.
But you do need to start acknowledging what's really happening.
You’re not fine. You’re burnt out.
You’re not working extra hard. You’re exhausted & pushing through.
The first step to changing anything is naming it.
So here it is: You're experiencing high-functioning anxiety, and it's taking a toll on you that you can no longer ignore.
Okay Lori, so now what?
That's what we’ll talk about next week. Because once you see it, you can't unsee it.
And once you understand what's really happening in your nervous system, you can finally do something about it.
Until then? Take a breath. Drop your shoulders. Unclench your freakin’ jaw.
Your body has been trying to get your attention.
Maybe it's time to listen,
Lori